The First of Many Reflections

On the first reflection of this journey, I am bound to share the nervous anxiety that has dominated my every action. For the first 72 hours of my venture, my brain has struggled to build the new synapses that new experiences bring. The following conflicts have provided the tension and will hopefully find resolution in my search.

Doubt. What am I doing? What makes me think I can pull this off? At the center of my anxiety is the doubt that I made a mistake in taking up this venture. My rational mind knows that I have made a great decision but my emotional mind seeks the land of familiarity. I realize that I am bold but also reside in an area not unknown to tourist.

To be tourist or to not be a tourist. I realized quickly that my Milwaukee Brewers baseball cap immediately isolates me as an American tourist. I am certain this is not the only mark that I bear. I have faced the conflict of admitting that I am a foreign tourist. I have all of the stereotypes of an American tourist. I struggle to know if I am marking my naivete with my thick lonely planet guide. If I am, does it matter? I can tell that everyone at the hostel wants to project the weathered traveler but secretly wishes that someone would just tell them what to do and see. I make my loosely veiled attempt show my expertise. Only once was I almost run over for not looking to the right first before crossing the street.

The speed of the pound. I found out quickly that it is easy to buy yourself comfort. I arrived at Heathrow airport at around 10:30 local time. A faster than expected walk through customs left me to find the bus that would take me to my hotel. I checked in with an information desk at the airport. Promptly they told me that it may be too late to catch the bus I needed from a different terminal. I played their game and hired a taxi. I quickly lost 35 pounds or about $56 and was escorted with ease. I can tell that it is easy to travel path that is the most convienent but know that I can not afford this path.

And so my adventure goes on. I try to calm my nerves by finding something that is familiar. A walk around the block builds confidence is seeing something that is the same and has not changed. I lay awake with my eyes closed listening to the buzz of the city and the grunts of my fellow travelers. Even if I can not sleep, eyes closed, laying down is the next best thing. I bring my watch to my ear to hear the tick, tick, tick. It is good to hear the way the time pushes forward. That is the challenge. As I face my fears, I must keep going forward. You have the option to reflect back on experiences but must always push forward into the unknown.